I suffer from this problem where my life is too perfect. Parts of it don’t seem real even to me. The way I lost my virginity, on a beach in Israel, not regretting it ever. Picturesque. Never being carded at the hookah bar. Too good to be true. Having parents that encourage an Emilie style childhood; with trial and error. Being able to bull shit an essay, still get an A. Being able to insult someone to their face, they come crawling back. I test the waters too often because in a way I want someone to hate me. I want someone to love my existence unconditionally. I want a challenge. When life is too perfect everything is dull.
“So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.”—
Yes, I did puke in my friends car this weekend. It was food poisoning, I was not wasted. However, I had two gulps of rum four and a half hours earlier; since I was planning on staying in and writing. Best write drunk and edit sober. Thanks Hemingway. Then I had a shit ton of expired corn salsa. Then you called to make plans. For the basketball game.
While at the game I made a joke to a sweet, but worry-wort of a girl, about not being drunk or enthusiastic enough for the bleachers. Then we went to the orthodox rabbi’s house for oneg. I tried to tell you I was feeling sick and I needed to leave for 45 minutes. Eventually the Rabbi forced you out of his house to take me home. I then puked in your car. Your first reaction was not “are you okay?” it was “MY FUCKING GOD YOU PUKED ON MY $400 DOLLAR PURSE!”
Then you procede to tell everyone and literally their mother about how I ruined your car. Demi’s father knew the story of my friday night before she did. Really, what the fuck. Then you yelled at me in front of my locker, and practically the whole school, today for not paying you back yet for interior cleaning yet. You will get your money after I stop by an ATM or place where I can get cash-back. There were none at campsite I spent Saturday night. Yes, I’m a little pissed. Do you see why?
Why don’t people kiss each other on the cheek more often? Nothing says I enjoy your presence more than kissing someone on the cheek! I don’t understand this awkward standing around, smiling nonsense. Awkward hugs and grins are madness.
I want you to call me in the morning, not to tell me you love me, but to describe the colors of the sunrise.
I want you to know it’s okay to fall asleep on my shoulder. I do it all the time on yours. It’s only fair.
I want you to be yourself unapologetically. If you disagree with me tell me. I love that you have opinions and quirks. Life is too short to glaze over all your most interesting qualities to apease others.
I want to make a pact with you. That anytime, no matter the situation, we will drop everything in our lives and drive to Montreal or fly to Europe.
I want your first instinct is to hug me. Kiss me on the forehead and the cheek.
I want you to know that I won’t be around all the time. I will have a life away from you. I want you to have a life away from me.
I want you to know that when I talk incessantly about the weather it is usually because I find it beautiful. If it is raining I will want to dance with you. If it is sunny I will probably want to dance too.
I want your company, not anything that you could buy me. Unless it is a pair of wool socks or a book. I like those things.
I want you to tell me about your life, your passions, your interests, your hair, your bruises.. I don’t want to make a sound.
When I no longer want these things from you, and you no longer want these things from me: I want you go off and find someone else that gives you all these joys.
I hate when people judge others off of their supposed sex lives. The possession of virginity does not reflect a person’s moral character. Safe sex is a wonderful thing. It’s healthy, it’s natural and it’s personal. You’re not a bitch because you’ve had sex. You’re not an angel because you’re a virgin. Everyone matures sexually at different times durring their youth. Do not judge others for being at a different place sexually than you.